 | Well hello there. You can call me Betty Boob. The "Site Owner" has asked me to hang out here with my pet jaguar, Rex, to warn his visitors that they may not find the humor on these pages funny. |
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You see, he received the following e-mail one day:
"Okay, the journal has been fixed, but it definitely has some questionable content on it. If you’re in touch with the site owner at all can you please ask them to review our Terms of Service so they don’t get their account deleted. Thanks!"
So, I'm here to tell you that this is a site for Humor. Well Duh . . . That's why it is called "Chuckles of Alex's Place". Those of you who recognize this, come on in and enjoy the musings. Feel free to comment. And share some of your own humor.
Those of you who find the content of these pages "questionable", simply leave. You don't have to read them. Nobody is forcing you to come here. There aren't any "pop-ups" appearing on your screen directing you here. There are no other gimmicks to re-direct you here. If you don't like what you see here don't come back!
For those "parents" out there who may not want their children to view these pages, exercise your right . . . no . . . your Duty as a parent to control your children and prevent them from coming here. Do not attempt to control the "site owner". He is not your child. If you cannot exert enough influence over your offspring to guide them to conform to your values, you have our sympathy.
As for Bravenet, delete this account if you must. Then you can count yourself among those religious Zealots who find it necessary to wreak havoc in the world and go on killing and rioting rampages over a comical picture. It will not bother us. We probably spend too much time here anyway.
And finally, to those who feel the need to monitor and control everyone else in the world have a Pizza on us. Just click the Pizza pie to order it.
Turn up your volume and listen for this is where you would have society heading!
Three Rednecks were working high up on a cell phone
tower - Cooter, Pete and KC.
As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the
tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well,
damn, someone should go and tell his wife."
KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll
do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Pete says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?"
"Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead
and she gave you beer?"
Well, not exactly", KC says. "When she answered the door,
I said to her, 'You must be Cooter's widow'."
She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow."....
then I said "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."
Rednecks Are Good At Sensitive Stuff.
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN? ABSOLUTELY A
TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT.
A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00).
He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin. It's mid-winter; and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR. They decide they want to make a natural looking open water area for the ducks tofocus on, something for the decoys to float on.
Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is
going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can
produce. So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG...???
Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for
RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner.
You guessed it: the dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice. The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop.
The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps
coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator. The men continue to scream as they run.
The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dog's rear end, he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master.
Then " "" "" "" "" " BOOOOOOOOOOOOM "" "" "" "" "" ! ! ! !
The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving
the two idiots standing there with "I can't believe this just happened"
looks on their faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal
use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments.
The dog is okay. .doing fine. And you thought Rednecks lived in the South.........
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the
hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello."
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this
beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK
if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership
and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really
liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all
the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....the
house I wanted last year is back on the market.
They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of
$900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can
go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty
good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so
much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room
are staring at him in astonishment, mouths
agape.....
Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this
phone belongs to?"
Tired?
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough
sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax buildup, poor blood or
anything else I could think of.
But now I found out the real reason:
I'm tired because I'm overworked.
Here's why:. . ..
The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 14.8 million people who work for state and city
governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are, sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice.
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